UC-NRLF 


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THE  BDDK 


O    F 


IPIEE 

BVCINISER' 


Qv 


N 


N 


THE  BDIIK 

ipYee 

BY  ''mNHCR" 


'A  LITTLE  FLY 


MViTARo 


Xuviti^^'*^ 


CAYtWNt 


By  "GINGER" 

A  Work  specially 
recommended  to  Sufferers 
who  are  tired  of  dipping 
their  Daily  Bread  in  the 
Milk  of  Human  Kindness 
and  whose  Diet  requires 

a  Dash  of 
HIGH  SEASONING 


A  Book  intended  to  make 
the  Old  a  little  Younger  and 
the  Young  a  little  Older. 

RECKLESSLY 
ILLUSTRATED. 


L£W»N  PttL 


JOHN  W.  LUCE   AND   COMPANY 

BOSTON  AND  LONDON 
1906 

/^^ti:.^'^, ■ 

^  OF 


RELCHEH 


Copyright,  1906,  by 
John  W.  Luce  Sf  CoMPi%NY 
Boston    Mass., U.S. A, 


I 


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THE  BDDK 


a  IT 


SPIEE 

BY'MiiNqEr 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


When  Venus,  rising  from  the  waves,  her  pulchritude 

divulges. 
And  posing  in  the  All-at-once,  displays  her  curves 

and  bulges. 
Then  comes  one    sweet,    consoling   thought:    If 

Nature  built  her  squarer. 
She'd  be  a  **straighter  girl,"  no  doubt,  but  Artists 

couldn't  bear  her ! 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


i^lmmmmmmmmmmmmkm 


O  say,  can't  you  see  ? 

When  Fate  made  Venus  amJess 
It  also  made  her  harmless  — 

For  in  a  squeezing-contest  —  gee ! 

She  couldn't  Hold  Her  Own  with  me ! 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


rir- 


cc  T^^j 


The  Kangaroo  and  Porcupine  they  met  upon 

the  Ark. 
They  first  began  to  bill  and  coo,  and  then  to 

flame  and  spark; 
So  they  were  wed  and  settled  down  to  calm, 

domestic  habits. 
Then  Baby  came,  or  rather,  twins  —  both  little, 

tough  Welch  Rabbits. 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


At  midnight  when  you  try  a  lot 

Of  indigestive  grub, 
Just  take  a  Rabbit  piping  hot — 

Then  join  the  Nightmare  Club. 


When  e*er  my  true  love's  skirts  do  get 
To  fluttering  in  the  wynde 

I  cannot  choose  but  look — and  yet 
They  tell  me  Love  is  blind!  I 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


When  lovely  Woman  hurries  by 
Some  passing  car  to  hook 

And  holds  her  dresses  rather  high 
The  Blind  Man  stops  to  look. 


^» — >  »>     > 


«^ 


1                    THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 

f^ 

^    1     < 

^^^^^^^^^^m                                       ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^■1 

^^^^^^^AwX^^^HHI^^HI 

\4 

At  YS 

oJY& 

KnocKoob 

Dropj 

n 

^"         ^  ^ 

<..            / 

^t^   8   ..V 

^yX^  Zeal  is  something  which  1 
u     at  flagging. 

lags  at  nagging  and  nags 

.1              T-»                           .•                           !• 

In  every  up-to-date  marriage  the  Parson  ties  a  slip 
knot.  This  is  much  easier  to  untie  in  the  Divorce 
Court  than  the  old-fashioned  true-love  knot. 

Kissing  is  a  bad  practice  —  but  practice  makes  per- 
fect. 

Xlt  requires  no  explanation  when  your  wife  goes  to 
an  auction  sale  and  pays  $4  for  a  fifty-cent  sofa- 
cushion.    Auctions  speak  louder  than  words. 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


\^   She  found  herself  alone  in  a  Great  City.   Her  first 
fr  problem   was:     How   to   remain  Beautiful  though 
Poor.     But  before  she*d  been  there  a  month  her 
problem  changed  to :  How  to  remain  Poor  though  Beau- 
tiful. 

0  "There's  no  fool  like  an  old  fool,"  I  used  to  say  in  youth. 
jjW  "There's  no  fool  like  a  dam  fool,"  seems  nearer  to  the 

1  truth. 

^2J^  Kindness   makes   friends  —  but  ife  doesn't   make 
/y^  money. 

SK/A  bird  in  the  hand  lays  no  eggs  —  but  two  in    the 
jP'bush  build  a  nest. 

*^  A  Career  is  a  mirage,  the  desire  for  which  robs  the 
TCI  office  of  good  stenographers  and  fills  the  stage  with 
••      indifferent  performers. 

f  Immorality  is  a  good  motif  for  plays,  but  a  bad  motif 
for  private  life. 


The  Chorus  girl 

Is  a  porous  girl — 

In  fact  she  is  a  sponge. 

She  bathes  her  brain 

In  iced  champagne 

And  rather  likes  the  plunge. 

rU  live  for  her,  I'll  die  for  her — 

But  hang  me  if  I'll  "buy**  for  her! 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


JJ 


1^^  diamond  necklace  more  or  less 
I^P       Is  nothing  much  to  her — 

^Tis  strange  how  well  a  girl  can  dress 
On  $15  per! 


The  Automobile  keeps  a-mowing 
Down  victims  wherever  it  pops. 

It's  fearfully  fast  when  it's  going, 
BUT    


As  sad  hours  I  drag  on 

The  old  Water  Wagon, 

It  makes  me  still  sadder  to  think,  now 

and  then, 
That  water's  so  dry— 
And  the  seat's  so  damp  high 
That  I  cannot  reach  down  for  a  drink, 

now  and  then. 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


nm 


All  drinking  is  risky: 
The  man  who  takes 

whisky 
Is  apt  to  fight  blue  toads 

and  slaughter  snakes; 
But    beware,    son    and 

daughter, — 
If  you  tipple  cold  water 
'Too  much,  you*ll  be  apt 

to  see  Water  Snakes! 


jfjCE_   \ 


l^^^b^;:^^^;:^^ 


If  limbs  like  these 
Grew  on  the  trees 
I  think  rd  die  of  heart  disease. 
I  wouldn't  dare  to  look  at  all 
When  autumn  leaves  began  to  fall. 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


c;=P 


If  all  the  trees  had  limbs  like  mine 
I  think  the  woods  would  look  divine! 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


UNDER  THE  SPICE  TREE 


"  Don't  you  believe  in  flirting,  Sol  ? "  asked  one 
rof  his  thousand   wives  of  the  wisest  of  kings. 

"No,  I  don't  —  I'm  a  married  man,"  replied 
Solomon  as  he  turned  to  telephone  for  65  new  baby 
carriages. 

jjffi  Hell  hath  no  fury  like  a  woman's  corns. 

tWhen  Diana  took  her  morning  bath  no  man  was 
there  to  look — but  the  woods  were  full  of  rubber- 
trees. 


X 


Ladies,  remember — in  the  Matrimonial  Journey 
the  Slow  Freight  is  better  than  the  Fast  Male. 

^-m^If  the  good  die  young,  Methuselah  must  have 
j\  been  a  long  time  in  the  Insurance  Business. 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


fl 


Cupid  IS  a  good  press-agent,  but  a  poor  book- 
keeper. When  he  finds  his  books  won't  balance 
he  makes  up  the  deficit  as  follows: 


I 


UEBlT 

CRE.DIT 

/  A^U^ 

? 

T-o-CX                 -^ 

y-6 

Totjt 

? 

S  I  Why  do  women  marry?    Some  for  love;  some  for 

rff^money;  some  for  a  cheerful  companion  who  will 

always  be  on  hand  to  hook  up  her  dress  in  the  back. 

^There's  a  woman  at  the  bottom  of  everything— even 
^of  the  Bottomless  Pit. 

IK/fEven  in  the  Age  of  Christian  Enlightenment  there 
P'  still  existed  a  Society  which  said,  "  If  there  is  any 
oubt  about  a  woman's  virtue,  give  it  the  benefit  of  your 
doubt." 


f 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


rd  hate  to  be  an  Angel 

And  never  do  a  thing 

But  practise  on  that  darned  old  harp 
And  sing,  and  sing,  and  sing. 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


But  if  I  were  a  Devil 

I'd  quite  enjoy  my  doom, 
And  raise  old  Hades  with  the  boys 

Down  in  the  Smoking  Room. 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


A  Mouse  who  was  searching  for  flats 
Got  into  a  crowd  of  old  cats. 
He  turned  up  his  nose 
When  he  looked  at  their  hose 
And  said,  with  a  snicker,  "O  rats!'* 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


I 


The  Mouse  only  smiles 
When  he  looks  at  the  styles 

Brought  out  for  display. 
He  gazes  a  minute, 
Then  says,  "  Nothing  in  it!" 

And  scampers  away. 


'^■■■%s 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


The  Moon  looked  in  the  window 

When  Gladys  took  her  bath; 
He  boldly  peeked.     The  lady  shrieked, 

And  drew  the  blind  in  wrath; 
But  still  the  moon  continued 

To  beam  upon  the  mesh, 
I  think  the  Moon  was  rather  "new" 

To  do  a  thing  so  fresh. 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


I 


The  lovely  maid  protested 
And  raised  an  awful  fuss, 
But  the  Moon  ain*t  interested 


us. 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


What  the  Waiter  Sees. 

It's  what  the  waiter  doesn't  see  that  he  gets 
paid  for.     If  a  gent  won't  tip,  tip  his  soup. 

When  a  guy  talks  like  money  it's  no  sign  that 
he's  going  to  hand  you  a  dollar. 

If  you  notice  it,  a  chorus-girl  always  likes  her 
lobsters  well  "done." 


I 


You  needn't  think  you're  a  General  because  you 
can  give  orders  to  a  waiter. 

Don't  cry  over  spilt  milk  —  charge  it  on  the  bill. 

The  constitution  follows  the  jag. 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


XG>ld  bottles  make  warm  hearts. 
Cold  steaks  make  hot  words. 
fOn  with  the  dance,  let  joy  be  unrefined  I 
Bad  morals  —  everybody's  but  your  own. 


f 


A  Dinner  is  a  bite  or  a  collation  —  depending  on 
who  pays  for  it. 

A  Johnnie  is  a  small  "angel"  who  thinks  that  he 
is  a  little  devil. 

Frills  are  a  light,  fluflFy  material  that  cover  a  mul- 
titude of  shins. 


Jealousy  makes  men  shoot  and  women  coo. 


f- 


A  dumb-waiter  is  the    only  safe  kind  to  take 
drinks  into  a  private  room. 


Y    EaBB     V 


^  ^ 


or  THE 


i    UNiVERSiTV   j 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


rd  like  to  be  a  billy-goat 

And  live  upon  a  crag. 

With  "mountain  dew'*  Fd  wet  my 

throat 
And  leap  from  jag  to  Jag, 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


But,  should  I  slip, 
The  downward  trip 

Would  need  no  kind  assistance. 
When  "extra  dry" 
Comes  extra  high 

You  fall  an  extra  distance. 

/V\A/\/\/\AA/\/VWVA/V\/\/VV 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


It  IS  considered  dreadful  luck. 
Of   Fate*s  confounded  cook- 
ing, 
To  kiss  another  fellow's  wife 
When   *tother   fellow's    look- 
ing. 


It's  also  very  horrid  luck. 
And  brings  all  sorts  of  troubles. 
To  stand  upon  your  head  in 

front 
Of  passing  auto-mubbles. 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


When  I  am  walking  down  the  street 
It  takes  away  my  breath 

To  see  an  undertaker's  sign  — 
For  that's  a  Sign  of  Death. 


Bad  Luck  comes  never  singly,  sir  — 

And  so  I  feel  a  shock 
Whene'er  I  chance  to  meet  myself 

A-coming  round  the  block. 


\  /\  /\  /\  /\  A  A 


hi — hTrfr^^^^KTfi — rtrrf^ — ^iTrfS     ^rm^      ^rrriv^^Sd: 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


-^^ 


jf~w^jr~^ 


A  rollicking  old  Mormon  wed  a  chorus 

girl  named  Flo 
And  they  went  upon  a  honeymoon 

uproarous. 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


S    J^     Jk    ^      Jb    ^     J*  i»      J5    ,. 


He  telegraphed  her  manager,  "I  like 

your  sample  so 
That  I  think  Fll  take  the  balance  of  the 

Chorus." 


I 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


Since  Dionysius  bKthe  and  young  inspired  old  Hellas'  air 
And  beat  the  muses  at  their  game  "with  vine-leaves 

in  his  hair," 
Since  Wotan  quaffed  oblivion  from  Nieblungen  gold 
And  Thor  beside  the  icy  fjord  drank  thunderbolts  of  old, 
Since  Omar  in  the  Persian  bowl  forgot  the  fires  of  hell 
And  wondered  what  the  vintners  buy  so  rare  as  that 

they  sell, 
What  potion  have  the  gods  bestowed  to  lift  the  thoughts 

afar 
Like  that  seductive  cocktail  that  they  sell  across  the 

bar? 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


Perhaps  it's  made  of  whisky  and  perhaps  it's  made  of 

gin, 
Perhaps  there's  orange  bitters  and  an  orange-peel  within, 
Perhaps  it's  called  Martini,  and  perhaps  it's  called,  again. 
The  name  that  spread  Manhattan's  fame  among  the 

sons  of  men; 
Perhaps  you  like  it    garnished   with   what  thinking 

men  avoid, 
The  little  blushing  cherry  that  is  made  of  celluloid  — 
But  be  these  matters  as  they  may,  a  cher  confrere  you  are 
you  admire  the  cocktail  that  they  pass  across  the  bar. 


I^yc 


d  as  the  hours  of  talk  grow  late,  the  hours  of  drink 
grow  more. 
What  makes  the  barroom  mirror  shine  as  never  shone 

before? 
What  makes  the  dullest  utterance  the  cogs  of  mirth 
anoint 

^ntil  no  joke  is  so  obscure  you  cannot  see  the  point? 
What  makes  the  sidewalk,  homeward  bound,  like  storm- 
tossed  ships  careen, 
Until  a  dear,  familiar  voice  says,  "  Charles,  where  have 
you  been?" 
You  hear  yourself,  like  some  one  else, 

make  answer  from  afar, 
**'Sh'  thoshe  d'lish's  cocktailsh  (hie!) 
they  pash  acrosh  th'  bar ! " 


. 

• 

THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


When  Eve  came  to  Adam 
He  said,  "  My  dear  Madam, 

You're  pretty,  God  bless  you — 
But  who's  going  to  dress  you?" 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


When  the  Snake  coiled  about  her 

Eve  looked  rather  pleased. 
She  said  with  a  shrug, 
"Well,  if  that's  called  a  hug 
It  makes  me  quite  nervous — 
But  heaven  preserve  us, 

I  like  to  be  squeezed!*' 


A  pretty  girl  named  Snowdown 
Who  wore  her  dress  quite  low-down 

Said  "Some  men  swear 

That  I'm  not  fair  — 
rU  give  them  all  a  show-down.'* 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


'Twas  safe  enough  to  call  their  bluff 
She  won  out  on  the  show-down. 


A  bluff  like  mine  won't  go  down. 
It's  something  of  a  throw-down. 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


Two  ardent  Clothing  Dummies,  to 
flirtatious  glances  reared, 

For  many  moons  within  a  window 
tarried. 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


Lllli 


Until  one  summer  moming,  lo  I  a  lovely 

Doll  appeared — 
Good  gracious!    and  they  were  not 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


XWhen  a  girl  looks  simple,  don't  fool  your- 
self— that's  only  the  way  her  mother  dresses 
her. 

Wild  oats  never  grow  near  wall-flowers. 

A  yacht  is  a  seagoing  craft  which  is  christened 
with  champagne  and  waterlogged  with  the 
same  beverage. 

tAn  army  officer  is  a  young  gentleman  employed 
by  the  U.  S.  Government  for  active  service  — 
principally  dancing. 
tA  kiss  is  a  small,  explosive  toy,  of  small  commer- 
cial value,  but  highly  esteemed  as  a  gift  or  souve- 
nir.   It  grows  behind  curtains,  under  palms,  in  the 
shade  of  icebergs  —  in  fact  in  secluded  spots  of  almost 


i 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


any  temperature.  When  well  cared  for  it  attains  a 
magnificent  size  and  delicious  flavor. 

©*  A  kiss  is  something  which  a  girl  always  looks  for- 
jOfi^  ward  to  with  expectancy  —  and  receives  with  sur- 

^     prise. 

XWhen   a   theatrical  company  goes  broke  the 
actors  may  roar  for  their  money  loud  enough  to 
wake  the  dead  —  but  they  cannot  make  the 
ghost  walk. 

When  a  woman  sets  her  cap  at  him  the  average 
man  can  find  an  answer;  but  when  she  asks  if 
her  hat's  on  straight  it*s  impossible  to  make  an 
intelligent  reply. 

\^  In  Paris  they  call  it  "  Bohemia,"  in  Boston  **  The 
rv^  Simple    Life,"    and    in    Podunk    "Vagrancy." 
J       Podunk  is  the  only  place  where  it's  curable. 

Millions   for   expense,   and  not  one   cent  for 
alimony! 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


Love  in  a  Cottage  is  pleasant  enough, 
Love  in  a  Mansion  is  swell, 

Love  in  a  Flat  is  a  little  might  tough  - 
But  love  in  an  Ofl&ce  is  Hell ! 


There's  no  use  enquiring,  "Where  is  'e?' 
He's  busy. 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


£L 


L 


-rrrrn-rrr;' 


A  Spinster  sat  upon  the  sand  and  asked  the 

reason  why 
When  she  came  down  to  take  a  bath  the 

beach  was  always  dry. 
A    Sea-gull    heard    her   tender   plaint   and 

answered  with  a  grin, 
"  You  make  the  tide  so  bashful  that  it 

does  not  dare  come  in !  *' 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


But  sometimes  when  the  seaside  nymphs  appear  in 

lovely  form 
The  tide  becomes  so  restless  that  the  waves  grow 

almost  warm. 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 

He  left  he 
And  sai 

"I  hope  I 
And  the 

r  at  the  garden  wall 
d  in  accents  sadder, 
may  see  more  of  you  "  — 
;n  she  climbed  the  ladder. 

///^"b  I      1      I       I      1 

II  1  1  1  r 

/\L      i              P           1               1                II 

1  '  1  '  1  '  1    1 L 

/   U       1    P I        1        1         1        1 

/>     yl^^H^Hll         1           1             1     /^>L 

/   //I           1      Ii           1           1         7^<^?^ 

1  >  1  1  il 

\  L/\       1       1^     1       1        l/^^^ 

1    1  '  1    1  '■   0    1    1  ■l^  1    1  ■   jfi 

1     1     1     1    I     r    1     1  -I  N  "--i-TT^^i 

1     1  '  1  '  1     il  1     1     1     i|  r\     /  ^r\ 

I  '  1  '  1     1  1     1     1     ill        //  \ ^ 

1     1     1     1  ,  1  1  ,  1  ,  1     i|  1  ,  1      7   /  > 

1     III     ip     i^^ni  1     It   L    >/ 

'ill  1  ii  1  1  1  1  1  [  M  n 

THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


The  maid  who  is  shyest 
Looks  ofttimes  the  fly-est 
When  climbing  a  ladder — The  best  things  come 
highest. 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


O  DOCTOR! 


©^  Dr.  Slitz,  the  famous  surgeon  of  Keokuk,  Iowa, 
ifflT    recently  performed  one  of  his  sensational  opera- 

C  tions  on  the  human  brain.  A  gentleman  from  Ohio, 
suffering  from  localized  paresis,  dropped  into  the  doctor's 
office  the  other  morning  to  discuss  the  tariff.  Qyickly 
chloroforming  the  patient  the  brain  was  removed  and  laid 
in  an  open  window  to  thaw  out.  Here  a  hitch  occurred 
which  very  nearly  resulted  in  a  mortifying  predicament 
for  Dr.  Slitz.  A  vagrant  ice-man,  seeing  the  brain  in 
process  of  melting,  focused  his  burning  glass  on  the  con- 
gealed member  from  force  of  habit.  In  a  moment  it  was 
reduced  to  an  unrecoverable  dew-drop. 

tDr.  Slitz  immediately  saw  that  the  recovery  of  the 
precious  organ  was  impossible  and  that  he  must  act 
quickly,  if  at  all ;  so,  with  his  usual  self-ix)ssession,  he 
filled  the  patient's  skull-cavity  with  a  mixture  of  sawdust 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


l^lr 


and  beeswax,  placed  the  lid  back  on  his  skull  and  sent  him 
home.  TTie  patient  entirely  recovered  and  continues  to 
hold  his  important  position  under  the  U.  S.  Govemment 
where  the  deficiency  (if  deficiency  there  be)  will  never  be 
noticed. 

©y^  G)dfish  eye — this  distressing  malady  has  developed 
f^fi  into  an  epidemic  recently  at  Back  Bay,  Boston,  and 
^  at  Newport.  It  is  usually  accompanied  by  icy  feet  and 
chronic  sneer.  The  speediest  cure  consists  in  reducing 
le  patient's  bank  account  95%, rolling  him  in  corn-meal 
id  soaking  him  with  a  wet  towel.  Hard  work  on  a 
rm  is  also  beneficial. 


i 


To  cure  that  Tired  Feeling  in  the  Morning,  go 
back  to  the  Night  Before  and  be  a  little  more  careful. 

Elating  on  an  empty  stomach  is  apt  to  be  followed 
by  loss  of  appetite. 

Before  operating  on  a  patient  first  determine  the 
strength  of  his  heart,  then  the  size  of  his  bank 
account 


0  clock  upon  yon  dizzy  height, 
Don't  kick  up  such  a  rumpus. 

1  do  not  need  a  clock  to-night  — 

But  I  wish  I  had  a  compass ! 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


North-by-East  and  t galley- West  — 

Hurrah  for  the  wild  sea  rover 
Who  pulls  his  freight  on  a  roller  skate 

And  is  always  half  seas  over. 
The  Demon  Rum,  like  a  guiding  star, 

Glares  on  with  burning  eyeball 
Till  he  steers  his  boat  right  over  the  bar  - 

And  wrecks  it  on  a  highball. 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


raaLDSDPHY 


^rr^  It  keeps  the  Man  with  the  Hoe  busy  to  siip- 
/\^  port  the  Girl  with  the  Hose. 

fl  don't  know  much  about  those  "  flesh  pots  of 
Egypt,"  but  if  they  were  put  up  in  the  Chicago 
stock-yards  they  must  have  been  a  pretty  fierce 
variety  of  canned  stew. 


"Order!"  is  the  first  law  of  head-waiters. 

Some  promises  won't  keep — not  even  in  cold 
storage. 


I 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


XA  flea  once  attended  a  fashionable  dance. 
He  was  not  invited,  but  before  the  evening 
was  over  he  was  very  intimate  with  the  best 
people  there — and  very  much  sought  after,  I  am  told. 

f  There  was  a  romance  in  the  side  show.  The 
fat  lady  married  the  living  skeleton.  "They 
will  stick  together  through  thick  and  thin,**  said 
the  bearded  lady.  "  Yes,**  murmured  the  dog-faced 
boy,  **  Love  will  have  its  weigh.*' 

tThe  longer  I  watch  stage  doors  the  more  I  be- 
lieve in  Dr.  Osier. 


Said  Santa  Claus,  puzzled  of  manner, 
As  he  blew  on  his  cotton  bandanner, 

"The  size  of  Maud's  stocking 

Is  perfectly  shocking — 
I  think  she  must  want  a  pianner! " 


2 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


rzL 


^ 


•  «  4ft  #« 


I 


et  Maud  Is  a  maid  of  such  generous  build 
I'm  sure  that  her  stocking  is  always  well  filled. 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


THE 

PARRDT 

says: 


X 


Don't  refuse  a  maiden's  "first  kiss"— but  take 
it  with  a  grain  of  salt. 


1 


Superior  wisdom  is  not  the  only  thing  that  keeps 
old  maids  virtuous. 

The  moon  is  a  good  matchmaker,  but  as  a 
chaperone  —  look  out,  girls ! 


If  every  man  obeyed  every  woman  when  she 
said,  "  Please  stop  I "  Cupid  could  take  a  vaca- 
tion and  the  Recording  Angel  could  close  up 
his  books  and  go  fishing. 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


Xlf  you  want  to  cheat  your  grocer,  rob  your 
neighbor,  and  betray  your  friend^s  wife,  get  an 
"  artistic  temperament."    That  wiD  excuse  you 
for  all  your  sins. 


^ 


If  she  seems  cold  at  first,  don't  you  care.     Chills 
are  often  followed  by  fever. 


tWhen  Adam  got  his  apples  in  the  raw  state  it 
wasn* t  so  bad,  after  all.     But  when  Eve  started 
in  to  experiment  with  apple  pie,  there  was  trouble 
in  Paradise. 


^ 


Many  a  girl  who  says  "  she'll  be  a  sister  to  you* 
is  mature  enough  to  act  in  loco  parentis. 


"Boy   with    the  floral  offering,  pray  tell  me, 

who's  the  dead  'un?" 
"Oh,  no  one's  dead,"  the  boy  replied.     "This 

wreath  is  for  a  weddun." 


THE  BOOK  OF  SPICE 


"  Nay,  nay,"  replied  the  Married  Man, "  though 
death  may  bring  release, 

No  earthly  marriage  e'er  deserved  an  offering 
marked  *  Peace.' " 


,i/      ^     Or  THE  ^ 

'    UNIVERSITY 

OF 


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NIVERSITY 


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"CI. 


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